That Will Be Enough

We just closed out an entire year that pushed us to the brink on every level. At one point in the last few weeks my sweet husband said, 'I can't wait to start a new year. 2011 was awful.'
Yes. Yes it was.
But according to The Big Book of Life Cycles, looking at the chart under the blue tab Appendix C towards the back of the book...it clearly shows that after The Year of Being Kicked in the Teeth, the year that follows is always full of abundance and ease and favor from the Lord.
What? There's not a book like that in existence?
Oh. Rii-iight.
My impossibly frail and human brain likes to sort and categorize and make sense of everything. Even trauma. Part of it is honoring God: what can I learn from You? What are You trying to teach me? Am I willing to stretch and grow for You?
Part of it is not quite so noble. It is basic survival: why did this happen? How can I prevent this Thing from happening again?
So when my husband optimistically declared a new year and new beginnings, my mind went the other way. Not in a morbid or dark way. In an exploring, stretching way.
What if...
What if 2012 is not any better?
What if 2011 was the last best year we had?
What if we spent the rest of our lives wishing we had back the toughest year we thought we had up until that moment?
My first thought was...well, quite frankly it was 'Oh crap.'
Impossibly human.
I put the thought in a box on a shelf to examine later. It's a great question, a big package to check out when I have more time. I find that when I put a package on the shelf for examination later, I am personally okay with it collecting dust. It's just life. I'll get to it when I can.
But God works differently.
He tends to quietly tap me on the shoulder and when I turn around there is said package, two inches from my nose.
There is a song I've been listening to like a lovesick teenager by Jason Gray called Remind Me Who I Am. I've sung with him a thousand times even though Jason, thankfully, has no idea. And the chorus is always the same.
Except towards the end. I never noticed before but he changes one sentence at the end:

Tell me once again who I am to You
who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
who I am to You
I'm the one You love
I'm the one You love
That will be enough
I'm the one You love

Whoa. Did you catch that? It was subtle. But kind of absolutely everything.
That will be enough.
So I unwrapped that package.
And a bigger one took its place:
If everything in my life falls apart...everything...is God enough for me?

I must go now. I have a package to dig into.


Yet will I exult in the Lord. I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet, and makes me walk on high places.
Habakkuk 3:18-19